The Little Things

My current situation in life is overwhelming at best. Every morning (or early afternoon) that I drag myself out of bed I have to make a choice. Lately, the recurring choice I am faced with is to trust God in the moment, with every decision and rely on what I know to be truth or trust my emotions and feelings, which can sometimes be deceiving.  Today has been especially difficult... it feels as though EVERY step I take must be deliberate or I am going to fall. This is not easy... in fact, it is down right gut-wrenchingly painful at times. However, in true AnnaLisa form I must find a silver lining, after all, this is my Formdivine - it's what I do.

Having to make every decision with painful deliberation has made me realize something... When I have to consciously think about what I am going to do, even in the mundane details of life, it causes me to be present in the moment. It turns out that when you feel lost and don't know exactly which direction you're going to head next, you don't have your mind filled with expectations and thoughts that might typically cloud your senses. Your mind isn't darting back and forth from yesterday to tomorrow to next week because all you have the mental energy to do is take one step forward.

Today I decided to do some cooking, and because I was moving in this mental slow motion, I was able to savor the taste and smell of the cayenne pepper, fresh squeezed lime and hand-grated parmesan cheese rather than hastily throw everything together, chow down and race off to the next thing I have to do.

I finally finished the book Ruthless Trust and one of the chapters had this to say about my 'silver lining' moment... "When my mind is replaying past glories and defeats or imagining unknown tomorrows, the music of what is happening is muted." (pg. 151)

I know my heart won't always be this heavy or my actions needing to be this deliberate... but I do hope I hang on to a bit of this mindset in that I don't return to racing through life so fast and unconscious of what I'm doing that I don't hear the music in my life anymore.

So in honor of today's revelation, I am now going to partake in the chocolate cake with home made cream cheese frosting I made today...How's that for a silver lining?